can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
