hotel room ftw
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
