Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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