She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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