im about as happy as oj after his trial
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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