Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am naked and annoyed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
