I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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