3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
