I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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