so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
