Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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