Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
