So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
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When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...