Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.

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  (212): so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is. http://tfl.nu/r3y5
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song

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  (508): i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song http://tfl.nu/g4s1
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

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  (803): I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on http://tfl.nu/5tgi
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  This gyro tastes like lonliness

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  (402): This gyro tastes like lonliness http://tfl.nu/d72i
  Replies (14) Good night (809) Bad night (3940) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance

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  (905): something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance http://tfl.nu/l7ly
  Replies (7) Good night (1020) Bad night (3193) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.

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  (916): She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared. http://tfl.nu/d52d
  Replies (14) Good night (787) Bad night (2386) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?

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  (570): Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof? http://tfl.nu/enhx
  Replies (11) Good night (2844) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Damn you and your Monday night power hours.

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  (207): Damn you and your Monday night power hours. http://tfl.nu/3ta4
  Replies (2) Good night (1327) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  All my credit cards need to be pressure washed

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  (617): All my credit cards need to be pressure washed http://tfl.nu/kgeq
  Replies (5) Good night (966) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I want to take my head off and cuddle with it

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole

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  (832): I want to take my head off and cuddle with it (832): Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole http://tfl.nu/jldl
  Replies (7) Good night (1017) Bad night (492)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ...that shit cray.

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  (734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz
  Replies (14) Good night (4704) Bad night (560)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

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  (774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot. http://tfl.nu/pm9n
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.

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  (204): I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here. http://tfl.nu/z5ot
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  (951): View more from California

  I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.

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  (951): I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays. http://tfl.nu/owjt
  Replies (0) Good night (166) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl

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  (520): my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl http://tfl.nu/kolr
  Replies (3) Good night (926) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt

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