I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
