Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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