my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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