Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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