I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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