he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
