so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i drank out of a bidet.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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