i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
