My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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