I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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