Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
