She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
