she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
