I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
