Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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