Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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