So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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