Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
