we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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