Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
