I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
