the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
