Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
