Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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