Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
