how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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