Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im six kinds of drunk right now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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