You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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