Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
