he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
