I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
