Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
