Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
