is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
