Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
