so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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