I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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