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I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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