It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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