shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
