Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
