Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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