I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
