its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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