Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
