she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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