Sry I called you an 8
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
