You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
