In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
