can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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