Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
