I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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