anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
