he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
